There was love, lust and a whiff of fish in the air as Married At First Sight celebrated fetish week on Wednesday.
Spare a thought for the Australian Communications and Media Authority, who spent the morning sifting through thousands of complaints from traumatised parents.
And it’s not hard to see why, with the editors serving up the closest thing you can get to bondage porn on network TV channels not named SBS.
Fetish week! There was love, lust and a whiff of fish in the air as Married At First Sight celebrated fetish week on Wednesday
Tash and Amanda
Blame John! After John Aiken encourage Amanda to do something Tash likes, she was forced to cook a vegan meal that Tash couldn’t even eat
Thanks a lot John Aiken.
On Tuesday night, he told Amanda to ‘try expressing an interest in Tash’s hobbies.’
On Wednesday, she was neck deep in savoury yeast flakes, arguing over dinner plans with a ‘white food’ vegan who lacked the nutrients to fight back.
Beyond annoying: Cut to Coles, where Tash was going from aisle to aisle pointing out all the things she can’t eat. Four hours in and they were still in aisle 3
Cut to Coles, where Tash was going from aisle to aisle pointing out all the things she can’t eat.
Four hours in and they were still in aisle 3. Eventually, they settled on ‘Beyond’ fake meat burgers.
‘Oh btw, I just got my teeth whitened so I can only eat white food for 24 hours,’ Tash later revealed.
So Tash had a bowl of cauliflower for dinner, while Amanda spent the night spitting chunks of pea protein isolate into a napkin.
Food fight: ‘Oh btw, I just got my teeth whitened so I can only eat white food for 24-hours,’ Tash later revealed. So Amanda spent the night spitting out chunks of pea protein, while Tash ate a whole cauliflower
Michael and Stacey
On the couch again! Michael woke up to soothing sounds of the 5 Dragons machine at Star Casino, after Stacey kicked him out following yet another boozy fight
Michael woke up to soothing sounds of the 5 Dragons machine at Star Casino, after Stacey kicked him out following yet another boozy fight.
‘Intimacy week is now apology week,’ he told producers. ‘I only drank like 7 pints of beer and now I’m in the naughty corner!’
He spent the morning walking ‘three hours’ to get Stacey a red velvet cake, which she hated – turns out her love of all things artificial does not extend to food colouring.
Makeup cake: He spent the morning walking ‘three hours’ to get Stacey a red velvet cake, which she hated. Turns out her love of all things artificial does not extend to food colouring
Michael tried to salvage the situation by making dinner.
He spent an hour trying to cook a steak in the dishwasher before caving in and paying a professional chef to make him a meal.
‘I know you think I can’t cook, but I studied it while I was sleeping in the other room,’ he lied to Stacey, who bought it hook line and sinker.
Cheater! Michael ‘cheated’ at dinner by getting a professional chef to make dinner and passing it off as his own. He’s back in the good books
Cathy and Josh
Chain reaction: Josh set off a chain reaction of sex fetish exploration after coming home from the sex shop with more questionable costumes than a high school play
Josh set off a chain reaction of sex fetish exploration after coming home from the sex shop with more questionable costumes than a public school play.
‘I’m starting to think this is more of a treat for him,’ Cathy complained. ‘Sometimes I don’t even wear underwear, it just ends up on the floor anyway.’
Back at the apartment, Josh realised he’d been having sex with Cathy all week and hadn’t thought to tell the cameramen to leave.
Sex tape alert: Back at the apartment, Josh realised he’d been having sex with Cathy all week and hadn’t thought to tell the cameramen to leave
He had a change of heart and invited them back in for the main course.
Turns out Josh’s idea of fun in is lying face down on a bed and getting his brains whipped off by John Wayne.
‘Do you like that? Do you like that? Cowboy Cathy asked.
Josh tried to say ‘no’ but was having trouble spitting the gag ball out of his mouth.
The main course: He invited them back in for the main course. Turns out Josh’s idea of fun in is lying face down on a bed and getting his brains whipped off by John Wayne
Mishel and Steve
‘Put your hand in that!’ The cameramen are forced to abandon Cowboy Cathy to respond to a disturbance at Mishel and Steve’s room. ‘Put your hand in that!’ we heard her whispering
The cameramen are forced to abandon Cowboy Cathy to respond to a disturbance at Mishel and Steve’s room.
‘Put you hand in that, how does that feel? Now smell it!’ Mishel sensually whispered, revealing her past life as one of those ASMR flops on Youtube.
‘Phwoar, it smells like fish!’ We could hear Steve crying from behind the door.
Sensory overload: Turns out it was just Mishel’s ‘sensory experience’, which involved him putting on a blindfold and sticking his hands in bowls of sloppy food
Turns out it was just Mishel’s ‘sensory experience’, which involved him putting on a blindfold and sticking his hands in bowls of sloppy food.
Their night ended with a blistering fight after Mishel complained about Steve’s lack of interest in her adrenaline junkie lifestyle.
‘We may as well be at the retirement village,’ she moaned.
I don’t know Mishel, l visited my Nan last week and ‘tonguing bowls of jelly’ was not on the activities roster.
Married At First Sight: Their night ended with a blistering fight after Mishel complained about Steve’s lack of interest in her adrenaline junkie lifestyle
The Poppy Incident
But the fake events of fetish week were overshadowed by a very real scandal involving Poppy and Luke on Wednesday.
Poppy has hired lawyers after making some serious allegations about the circumstances of their exit from the show.
‘Why is Luke crying when I left??? What really happened that he was crying over! You don’t know because I wasn’t allowed to say!! It’s too controversial!’ she said in a Facebook rant on Tuesday.
Real problems: But the fake events of fetish week were overshadowed by a very real scandal involving Poppy and Luke on Wednesday
‘He’s scared s**tless I will tell the truth. I was afraid to speak up! But f**k this s**t, I’m going to tell everything!!!!’
The cast have refused to discuss the scandal during interviews, citing orders from producers not to speak about it.
This is not a cover up though, but a legal nightmare, as the allegations Poppy is levelling at Luke can’t be published without Luke’s legal right of reply.
No comment: The cast have refused to discuss the scandal during interviews, citing orders from producers not to speak about it (Connie refused to speak in an interview on radio)
Kyle and Jackie O secured an interview with Poppy’s best friend on Wednesday, who proceeded to detail the allegations in full regardless.
It’s up to Luke whether he wants to respond to the allegations, but you almost certainly won’t see the cast, or the rest of the media, talking about it until he does.
Right of reply: This is not a cover up though, but a legal nightmare, as the allegations Poppy is levelling at Luke can’t be published without Luke’s legal right of reply